Cookies, bong hits, lids heavy.
Wine on a Friday.
Cookies, bong hits, lids heavy.
Wine on a Friday.
I got a second part-time job at Domino’s last night. Orientation is tonight and my first shift is this Saturday!
The last time I attempted to work two jobs, I failed miserably. Not able to handle my emotions and the work load.
This time is different. It’s 2019, I’ve been on medication for over a month now and I feel great! I feel like I am truly ready for this new step in my life, contrasting to how I have felt in the past, worried to even start. Today I am excited.
Excited to move forward, excited to face my fears, excited to live life to the fullest; and that is my true intent. I’ve spent years worrying about things I don’t even need to pay mind to, and I’m so ready to live life for me. And nobody can stop me.
I am applying at a pizza place I’ve worked at in the past full-time for a second part-time position so I can pay all of my bills in full, without having my checking account in the negative 25/30 days of the month. (yeah, my credit has dropped pretty low in the past years) My fault. I’m still learning (the hard way) how to manage my spending habits, medication (32 days on) has already been helping this issue for me, I can think about and see my spending much more clearly. One thing is for certain; I do not make enough money to accommodate the lifestyle I live on my own at this time in my life, I need a second job, and I think I can handle it, now.
The thought of having two jobs makes me nervous, but also excited.
Others have had three, or four jobs just to keep what they’ve got. It shouldn’t be THAT difficult, right?
Eh. For me it hasn’t proven to work well, I’ve attempted briefly for a few weeks at a time in the past with failure in the “second” job in the end both times.
Never on meds. This feels.. different.
I am truly excited to begin to see my own wealth grow, eventually, without the help of my parents. I’ve only recently started realising how to truly budget my spending and I’m still learning slowly but surely. I do work almost 40 hours a week, at a decent rate pay and good benefits, but the extra cash and saving money will be SO helpful to keeping myself afloat. And for the first time, in a LONG time, I want to get out of my house.
That’s a good thing, by the way. I haven’t had the energy / want / need to get OFF of my f*cking futon in what feels like AGES. But all of a sudden, here I am. Looking, and excited to fill out job applications tomorrow for a second job.
We’re getting ready to go to Decadence in Denver! I am so ready to vibe and dance! 😀
A few reminders to myself for safety at the music festival:
I might post a recap tomorrow with photos, either way keep an eye on my Insta!
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had a shoot, I’ve been spending time healing.
I am very excited for the photo shoots I have to come. Some with just myself, and some collaborations. I don’t want to give too much away, but keep an eye out for new things in my Instagram.
Myself, a photographer friend, and a model friend will be meeting up on Monday to create some art. 🙂
That’s my favorite part of getting into this fashion and art industry, I’ve finally connected with some people I can truly vibe with and just get together to make some art.
It is my dream to work as an artist from home, and it is collaborations and plans like these that make me realize I am on my way.
Since starting this new medication, (Dec. 03) I’ve found that I am on my social media (and my phone in general) much less than I have been in a long time.
Not only do I find myself checking it less, I have recognized how much of my adult life (barely an adult) I have spent on it and how much it has dictated my lifestyle.
Without it I can breathe. I can connect thoughts I didn’t even want to bother with before. It feels wonderful; seems so obvious, but I’ve taken social media “breaks” before. -Always with the intention of coming back to the addiction.
This is different from any other “break” I’ve given myself before. I have no end date to hop back online. I never even intended to break in the first place. And I don’t want to get back on. Not how I was. I’m coming back to my social media sites periodically, and not often, but with a fuckin’ bang.
I’ve set some private goals for myself for the next few years, and I believe they will come to fruition. A lot of my past goals have been very social media oriented, and I’ve always had trouble getting to them when I intend. This time is different. -As I say every year. But it is. And I can’t tell you why and that’s the beauty of it. I can finally keep my own secrets.
I will succeed.
I will go far.
I will build my own business.
I will form my own empire.
I will inspire others.
I will do what makes me happiest.
My life will always be worth living.
I’m feeling very well today, chill and relaxed for the most part.
Work was okay, I took a Clonazepam around lunch becuase I was feeling jittery. I ended up skipping eating at lunch, didn’t feel hungry. I know it’s not a great habit, but sometimes I’d rather just finish my work a little earlier in the day and get home.
Friend is over playing video games with my bf (Alec). We’ve been having more friends over than usual lately, it’s been nice. Definitely different, but nice. I think we both need the break in tension sometimes when it’s just the two of us.
It’s more difficult to clean up around the house with people coming and going, but that’s something I’m learning to live with. I like to have a clean space, and when I get the energy, I clean and organize what I can. I used to (not too long ago) get upset at the littlest things; clothes on the floor, dishes out, trash not picked up. As I’m learning to live with myself and Alec, and as this relationship grows, it gets easier and easier. Little things don’t irk me as much as they used to, I’m content. The things that need to be done will get done in time enough.
I love this feeling.
And we are watching documentaries. And I am not tired.
1:47am and I’ve already taken my medication over an hour ago. Should be sleepy but am not. Don’t want to start a shower now in case I do get too sleepy and pass out in the tub.
Meds make me drowsy, it seems to come on quickly whenever I stand from sitting for a while.
I almost fell over trying to make lemon bars (from a box of course) the other night. Then I threw up all of the crackers and peanut butter I had just consumed before that in an attempt to stay awake. (I always am very hungry, for sweets especially soon after taking meds)
-your welcome for that bit.
Anywho. Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and happy New Year.
As I get to the end of typing this, I am finally sleepy, thank you for reading, I appreciate it. Night.
Thanks for joining me!
This is a public place for my thoughts, ideas, and other things. I have a lot on my mind often, and this is exactly the outlet I need.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
I’ll keep that quote it’s nice.